Strike 3 Litigation

just when you thought the “John Doe” copyright lawsuits couldn’t get any more… interesting, a new wave of legal eagles has joined the fray. Like a fresh cast of characters in a long-running, slightly depressing reality show, a new roster of lawyers has emerged to lead the charge for Strike 3 Holdings. It seems the well-worn path of suing anonymous internet users for copyright infringement is still a lucrative one, and these individuals are eager to take their place on the “gravy train.”

Without further ado, here are some of the newest members of the legal team, ready to bring their unique talents to a federal court near you:

• John Charles Ridge of Ridge Law, LLC (614-561-7541, jridge@ridge-law.com) is in the house! We’re sure his phone is ringing off the hook with concerned “John Does” from around the country.
• Next up, Joel A. Bernier from Boroja, Bernier & Associates, PLLC (586-991-7611, bbclawgroup@gmail.com). A Gmail address? It’s the perfect touch of everyday relatability for a firm engaged in high-stakes digital copyright battles.
• Inez de Ondarza Simmons, I of De Ondarza Simmons PLLC (984-837-0361, inez@deondarzasimmons.com). With a name that sounds like it belongs on a vintage legal scroll, we’re sure this lawyer is ready to bring some old-school gravitas to the digital age.
• Christian W Waugh from Waugh PLLC (321-800-6008, cwaugh@waughgrant.com). The name “Waugh” itself is a wonderful fit for this line of work, perfectly capturing the sound of a defendant’s groan upon receiving a summons.
• Jeremy J Thompson of the Law Office Of Jeremy J Thompson PLLC (952-952-1883, jeremy@jthompson.law). The man is so dedicated to his craft, his email is literally his name and the word “law.” You can’t get more on the nose than that.

This new roster of legal talent suggests that Strike 3 Holdings isn’t slowing down anytime soon. It’s an endless cycle of “John Doe” lawsuits, a testament to the thriving business model of using copyright law to chase down alleged pirates and secure settlements. It’s a win for them, a headache for the federal court system, and a cautionary tale for anyone who thinks their online activities are truly anonymous.

So, to all the new lawyers, congratulations on your new gigs! May your inboxes be full of settlement offers(better yet the does fight back and get attorneys fees and our BBC troll company can start to lose money) and your court calendars be ever-so-slightly-but-not-too-overwhelmed with these particular cases.